Quantity time vs. quality time

Last week, I heard a Christian leader talk about the sudden death of his mother, which occurred less than a month ago and is still fresh on his heart. Losing his mother had been one of his biggest fears, he said, and it happened unexpectedly while he was out of the country, away from his family and totally alone in a gloomy hotel room. He said he sat alone and wept for hours until he found comfort in the reality that his mother, who had a relationship with Christ, was in heaven and was happier than ever. He still misses his mother, he said, but he has found refuge in the fact that his tears are out of his own suffering rather than his mother's.

As he told this story, my heart was softened to the point of understanding his pain. I've been fortunate enough not to have had to endure the loss of a parent or sibling yet, but it is something that I think about often. In fact, it has been my biggest fear all my life, like it was his, and something that has haunted me every time I miss a phone call or a face-to-face visit or e-mail or whatever. I am terrified that every time I talk to people that I love could be the last, but my reasons are different than what his seem to be.

Sure, I'm afraid I'd miss them. But it isn't just that. I'm afraid I'll have lost the opportunity to talk to people I love about Christ and make sure their hearts are where they need to be. Almost everyone I know at least claims to be a Christian, but how many of them are actually following Christ?

I ask the above question rhetorically and with no number in mind. I don't actually know. I'm pretty confident that most of my closest loved ones know Christ, but I've never actually brought it up, and I've always wanted to. I don't want to be 25 or 50 or even 90 percent sure that the people in my life have a personal relationship with Christ. I want to be 100 percent sure, and the only way to find out is to inquire.

But talking to people about their relationship with Christ sometimes feels a lot like interrogating them, so the whole idea of a conversation of that nature just completely intimidates me. I'm certainly not perfect and in no place to judge another's lifestyle, so how do I ask people if they KNOW that they know they're saved?

For about a year, God's been pressing Matthew 4:19 on my heart relentlessly. ("Follow me and I will make you fisher's of men.") The more I grow in my walk with Christ, the more I understand that I can't lean on my own understanding. As I depend on God more and myself less, He has begun to reveal the answers to me and remove my fears by reminding me that I'm not called to do it alone.

I've said all that to say this: Every year at Christmas, I pray that God would give me at least one more Christmas with my family. I've been praying that prayer for years, and it dawned on me as I heard this man preach about his mother's death, that no matter how many times I ask for it, there will never be enough years in all the world to satisfy me. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. So this year, I'm praying for better spent time, better quality time, with the people than I love rather than more time wasted.

God put it on my heart to use my time wisely (better quality) and to take advantage of holiday get-togethers this year to talk to my friends and family, to say--completely out of love--"Hey, where are you in your walk with Christ? How can I serve you? How can I pray for you?"

We don't have all the time in the world here to spend with those we care about, but if we rely on and follow Christ, we can have eternity later.

On that note, I've learned a few vital points this year that are worth sharing:

1. Found people find people

2. Saved people serve people

3. Growing people change

4. I can't do life alone

Anyway, it's Christmas week. The week Christ was born. What a beautiful reason to celebrate. Remind someone--or remind yourself--about the most amazing, powerful, expensive gift you have EVER received for Christmas, God's son, and celebrate like you believe it's true.

How can I serve you? How can I pray for you? How can I encourage you in your walk with Christ?

Wish you all safe travels and fond memories this holiday season, and remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas! :)

Remembering Christmas...

"Oh Holy Night" used to be my favorite Christmas song ever. When I was little--like still sending letters to the North Pole little--I would stop everything to hear this song during the Christmas season. I heard it tonight for the first time of this holiday season, and for a second, I remembered what it felt like to count down the days 'til Christmas and wonder if Santa would leave me a little something extra this year for being "extra nice." (And also hoping he'd forgive me for the several hundred fights I'd been in with my sister and for the times I told my little brother he was adopted).

The gifting was very exciting for me as a child, no doubt, but it really was more than that. The Christmas season was full of magic. There were a lot of times when it didn't feel like anything really "special" was going on in my life or in the lives of those around me, but during the Christmas season, everything was amazing and I was reminded of the special reason we have this holiday to begin with, and that He was around during all the not-so-special times too.

Businesses and individuals displayed beautiful Christmas trees, lights and Santa and sleigh scenes in the yard (I was a kid--don't judge me for enjoying that!), delicious once-a-year party foods were accessible (like fruit cake, which I realize I'm probably one of about 10 people in the entire world who actually love it!), people are nicer and despite all the hardship the rest of the year may have brought, all seems to be right at the end of the year when Christmas comes.

I was raised in a Christian home, so I always knew we celebrated Christmas as the birth of Christ and I think maybe that's why I liked the song "Oh Holy Night" so much. One of my favorite Christmas memories ever was when I was in elementary school and my older sister was going to be in a pageant. It was around Christmas, so after we went to the mall to look for her outfit, our mom and step dad took us to get happy meals from McDonald's and then took us to see Christmas lights. I don't remember why--maybe we were just at a traffic stand still--but we drove up to this nativity scene and sat there for a while and "Oh Holy Night" was playing and I had this happy meal and my heart had never been so full of joy in my life because it seemed like everything in the world was perfect at that moment, and after that, every time I heard the song, I could just picture Jesus in the manger, like in the nativity scene, and I imagined what a beautiful moment that must have been.

And even now, I think there's something very symbolic about the "Christmas magic" that spreads to everyone this time of year, but I also think there's something very intentional and beautiful about it. A savior was delivered to us when Christ was born. All was made right.

This year has been the hardest for me to get in the Christmas spirit. Every year, it seems to get more and more difficult, and as I thought about how much I missed feeling the "Christmas magic," I realized it's because as we get older and take on more responsiblities, we sometimes lose sight of why we do things in the first place. Now that I am an adult and I am responsible for buying presents as well as receiving them, my holiday has been filled with shopping and number crunching and party-planning and finger-crossing for a Christmas bonus. Not once have I looked at lights or sat and listened to Christmas carols or celebrated the true simplicity and beauty of what the holiday really means.

Tonight, I am reminded that Jesus truly is the reason for the season and my heart is beyond full of thankfulness for his birth and for his hand in my life. In the spirit of simple thanksgiving, I'm reminding myself of some of my favorite childhood traditions at Christmastime: drinking apple cider, looking at Christmas lights, eating fruitcake, watching the classics (Rudolph, Grinch, Frosty), singing carols, hearing the story of Jesus' birth and enjoying quality time with family that we can't seem to make time for in other seasons of the year.

Over the next couple of weeks, I hope I'll have a chance to cross a few of those things off my list this year and continue to seek the warmth and magic this season brought in years past. What is it that reminds you that this is Jesus' birthday party, not ours?

Merry Christmas season!

Treasure-mapping The Bible

I'd like to start today's post with a little game I like to call "recite that verse." The object is to--you guessed it!--recite verses of The Bible from memory. Shall we?

Annnnddd...GO!

-John 3:16

-Jeremiah 29:11

-Romans 8:28

-Phillipians 4:13

-Proverbs 3:5

...How'd you do? Chances are, you recognized at least one of those verses. And I don't think it's a coincidence.

Something dawned on me yesterday. I'm beginning to notice a trend in Christian behavior. Now, I haven't done a thorough investigation on the issue, and I'm certainly no scholar, but it seems to me that people like parts of the Bible that say positive things. In particular, positive things geared toward ourselves.

Biblegateway.com listed the 100 most read bible verses on their website, and each of the five above were within the Top 10.

I'm not saying we shouldn't like those verses. Christ died on a cross so our hope could be restored. That is certainly something to celebrate. We should be ecstatic that there is promise in our future.

BUT...

As much as we delight in His promises, we should tremble under His commands.

I've noticed that many of us (and I am including myself) only like to quote the good stuff. We like to read about healing when we're sick, about hope when we're hopeless, about faith when we're doubtful, about plans to prosper when we feel defeated...

And suddenly--it's the strangest phenomenon--when all is well, we forget to keep reading.

I wonder how many people read Proverbs 13:3 or Proverbs 20:19 before they spread juicy gossip, or Exodus 20:12 before they tell their parents where to shove it.

If I had to guess, I'd say the only people quoting those verses on their Facebooks are the ones who are the subject of those verses--as in, you ARE the one being gossiped about or you ARE the parent who is not being honored.

Cases of the offender quoting those verses are very rare, I bet.

There's a logical explanation for all of this: WE ARE SELFISH!

It's human nature. We were born sinful. The desires of our hearts are naturally wicked. That's why we love to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in our future, but hate to be bothered with what we have to do to achieve those things.

But here's the deal: If you want the reward, you have to work for it.

God didn't call us to be complacent, self-righteous takers. He called us to be passionate, selfless givers. And the only way we can spread truth into the world is to KNOW the truth.

Christianity is not a self-serving religion. The rewards of being a Christian outweigh any gift you could give yourself, but that is a side note. Christianity is not about YOU. It's about HIM. It's about honoring the sacrifice that was made for us.

So read all of the beautiful, uplifting scripture. God intended on it to be in The Bible just as much as the rest of it. He loves us. He wants us to be overjoyed in His promises. He wants us to know that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. But he also wants us to know the rest of it.

The Bible is The Bible for a reason, in its entirety. God's offering warning and commands so that we may have knowledge to advance in His kingdom. We're foolish to only read the "good stuff" because we are missing the parts that tell us how to achieve it.

So don't just read a verse today. Read a paragraph. Better yet, read a page or two.

Test Him

In Malachi 3:10, God challenges us. He tells us to test Him and see if He doesn't throw open the flood gates of heaven. Although that particular verse is about tithing, I think it applies to every area of our lives. If we would turn "that" area of our lives (whatever "that" area is for you), He would blow our minds. The question is, are we going to let Him?

After reading this verse last week, I read a devotional story in which this statement was made: "Nobody asks to be tested unless they know they'll pass."

I was floored by how much was revealed to me through scripture and devotion that day.

Yesterday at church, a guest pastor preached on Joshua and his prayer to make the sun stand still. It got me thinking "do we realize that we serve the very same God who made the sun stand still?" If we do, how do we justify the box we keep Him in?

I don't know about you, but I've never prayed for something that HUGE. Sure, I've prayed for healing, I've prayed for other's salvation, and, in a sense, that's all the same as God making the sun stand still. But do you trust Him to do all the things you WISH you could do for Him?

Ask yourself, "what would I do if I knew I could not fail?"

Whatever your answer, that should be your sun stand still prayer to God. Test Him. Give Him a chance to do something so mighty nobody will be able to deny it was the work of God, even the non-believers.

I'm not talking about magic tricks here. Like, if you would sprout wings and fly across the earth if you knew you couldn't fail, I'm not quite sure how that would glorify God. But ask ANYTHING according to His will, and He will do it. So why don't you test Him?

Give Him a worthy challenge. Prove how mighty you believe He is by giving Him a challenge so big you will have to rely on Him because you couldn't possibly achieve it on your own.

Do you believe you serve the God who made the sun stand still? Then prove it.

"God is God, and God is good."

www.newspring.cc/stories/zacsmith.
Zac Smith has since passed away.
Thanks for the reminder that God is still good, even in hard times.

i'm the spoiled child

Today is the beginning of the most wonderful time of the year, and that fact, along with the perfect amount of chill in the air to start the month off right, has made me feel invincible today.

I absolutely LOVE fall! I love the colors, the events, the weather...in heaven, I'm gonna keep my thermostat set to "fall" all year long! :)

It isn't just about fall though. October is the beginning of the holiday season. I know some of you don't consider Halloween one of the "major holidays" (I do, by the way), but you're going to be side-swiped by the holidays in November and December if you don't start prepping for them now.

Trust me--it happens to me every year.

Anyway, we've been doing this series at church called "The Blessed Life," which I really had no interest in originally. Call me selfish, but I wanted something that was applicable to ME, and given that I'm new in the career world and make entry level pay, I didn't really think I was in a position to live the blessed life financially, which was the primary emphasis of the series.

Thankfully, I started leading a small group that, coincidentally, began meeting after church during this series. If our group wasn't meeting on Sundays, I can honestly say I probably would not have even given this series a chance because it's just so far from where I am. If I wasn't LEADING the group, I'd probably have just bailed on church and the group during this series. (Allow me to digress to say I highly recommend joining a group for accountability purposes if your church offers them, or if you know someone who does).

I wish I could go into all the ways this series opened my eyes, but I don't think you all have 4 days to read this blog continuously, so I'll save that for my next post.

I'll say this though. I had a huge eye-opener during this series. It was like God was telling me to stop complaining about things if I wasn't going to use the resources He'd given me to change things.

That might not make sense to you, since you probably don't quite know what I was "complaining" about in my prayers, so I'll explain it this way: In school, most of us were given text books. We also had class time in which we were able to take notes while someone who had devoted years to learning the stuff taught it to us. We had classmates who were better in certain subjects than we were, and, if we chose, we could study with them. But, come test day, if you never cracked a book, took a note, or studied at home, you couldn't just raise your hand and ask the teacher for all the answers. If you did that, they'd probably say you deserved to fail because you had not utilized any of the resources that had been given to you.

Now, do you see the analogy I'm going for here? God gives us so many resources--The Bible being the biggie. We also have pastors and sermons, fellow Christians, prayer....

Okay, so back to the story...

Actually, before I get back to the story, I should also add that I'm not really "broke." I mean, I am not where I want to be financially, but I complain too much for what I have. I live alone in a brand new 2-story apartment and, by the grace of God, I've been paying for it without ever missing a meal. Furthermore, I've paid rent, had food on the table, AND I've never had to turn down a friend for dinner or a movie...AND I haven't robbed God to do it (meaning, I've still tithed).

I don't say any of that to brag. Just the opposite, actually. I say it to express how much of a spoiled brat I can be sometimes. I don't think I'm alone in that (although I certainly won't call you a brat!) So, as I complain in the next sentence or two, don't take it to heart. I am not in danger of being thrown out on the streets. I'm just a prime example of one of God's "spoiled children.

Ok, now, back to business...

Long story short, I ask God often to take control of my finances. When He gives me some very direct blessings, like, say, this financial series at church, I try to blow it off. Thankfully, I wasn't able to this time for the reasons I mentioned above. Last week was the end of the series, and everyone had the opportunity to sign up for a financial learning class that would take place later that week and be taught by a professional financial counselor.

My church offers these occassionally, and I never go because I don't have money to save or invest or do any of the things I assume they talk about. This time, though, I felt that pressure again from God--that "use your resources or stop complaining" pressure. So, I signed up, and I went (and it was free, by the way).

As it turned out, the guy become a financial advisor after years of living the life I'm living now and finally saying he'd had enough. Surprisingly, he gave extremely applicable advice because he understood my/their situation. (It was a seminar, so I wasn't the only one there). Secondly, he was no longer in that situation, so he obviously knew something we didn't. Lastly, he said financial counseling was what God called him to do, so how can you argue with that?

I have some really important learning experiences to share that have come from "The Blessed Life" series and from the Financial Learning Experience, but that's all for another time. My point of saying all of that is to say this: if you want the reward, you have to do the work.

Don't ask God to bless you when you haven't used the resources to receive it.

Oh, and that whole thing about the holidays approaching earlier, that's a little warning for all you financially unhappy people like me. The financial counselor gave great advice on how NOT to go break financing the holidays. He said "Plan for them to happen every year." Who knew? :)

Happy weekend, and thanks for reading my terribly inconsistent posts!

Go fish!

I pretty much love South Carolina. Those of you who know me well can attest to the fact that I've been a diehard Clemson fan all my life, and that I own pretty much every piece of palm tree/crescent moon apparel that was ever stitched. I'm proud of my southern accent and southern hospitality, and I'd take an evening at Liberty Idol over a night in New York City any time. I have never lived outside of South Carolina, and if I never do, I'd be okay with that. Living in the south rocks.

Unfortunately, our ability to witness does not.

See, the problem with living in the "bible belt" is that everyone is a Christian--or at least they say they are. It's such a standard part of our upbringing that we can say "I believe in God," and most of us are never actually challenged to prove it. You live in the South, so you "were just raised that way."

When I was a kid, I went to church with my family pretty regularly. Over time, it got to be not-so-regularly. By the time I was in, say, middle school, it was never (with the exception of Easter). I still "believed in God," but I didn't feel that I needed to attend church to prove that.

Now, before I go any further, let me say that I still believe a person can be saved without being inside the walls of a church. I also believe a person can be UNsaved and spend their entire lives inside the church.

Anyway, I was out of church for a while. I wasn't reading The Bible regularly either. I still prayed sometimes...when I was desperate for something...but over all, I can't remember a single time that I ever pursued a relationship with Christ from about 10th grade until...well, about a year ago.

If you are a Christian and you've known me for at least a year, that should sting a little bit.

I am not saying that you or anyone else should have catered to my apathy. I don't believe in giving piggyback rides to salvation. Still, as Christians, we are called to be disciples, so how come so many of us go through life without ever having a hard conversation with someone that we KNOW is not following Christ? Why do we accept "I believe in God" as a salvation ticket when we know it isn't enough?

If you know someone who is not living a life that is reflective of what they say they believe, they probably don't really believe that. I can say that with authority because I've been there.

For me, it wasn't like I was saying "I believe in God" with my fingers crossed behind my back. I didn't feel like I was lying. I had been conditioned to say it and believe it. I just wasn't living it or understanding it. I guess I did believe there was a God, but so does satan.

Believing in God and having a relationship with God are not the same thing, and I did not have a relationship with God.

That has changed for me, for what it's worth, but that's not really the point. There is still a world full of apathetic Christians that aren't being reached.

Christ said "follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." (Matthew 4:19)

That passage has been weighing heavily on my heart for months.

Am I following Christ? Am I fishing?

I am challenging myself to try harder and try longer. It's not always going to be easy. It may take more than one talk. But I'm going to try anyway.

So, of course, your prayers are always appreciated, but joining me on this mission would be more appropriate.

Who do you know that doesn't live for Christ? I'm sure you can think of someone.

Right isn't always cheap

The last few days have been torture for me.

It's not that serious, really. I'm just moving. And I've moved so many times that my family and I could easily operate a professional moving business, so it's not like I'm new at this. It's just hard living out of two places when neither one of them feels quite like home.

Anyway, I'm moving.

I have been so frustrated with all that goes into moving--the finances, the physical labor, the chaos that becomes your life when you box up everything you own...

The other day, I actually thought to myself "it would be so much easier if I hadn't even taken this job."

Those of you who know me know how big of a deal that is. I hated my last job's guts. I hated it so much that I would sit at work and apply for jobs all day long. I was openly unhappy with what I did, and while I was ready to take just about anything that would get me out of that place, all I really wanted to do was become a staff writer.

My wish came true, and before I knew it, I was wishing it away.

I love my job as a reporter, I really do. I even like the town that I'm living in. But still, it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to have highs and lows. In fact, the more you have to lose in life, the more stress, anxiety, and frustration you feel, or at least that's been my experiences.

It has really brought me back to the realization that God knows me better than I know me.

Sunday night at church, I was honestly on top of the world. I witnessed over 100 people get saved. I heard God's promises get preached and USED. I was challenged spiritually, and I was pumped about getting closer to Christ.

It's amazing what 3 days can do to your spirit though.

It's only Wednesday, and this morning, I felt weighed down by the struggles of this life.

I got on facebook a while ago, and a friend had posted Psalm 15:4 : "Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the LORD, and keep their promises even when it hurts."

In other words, do the right thing, even when it isn't in your benefit.

I won't go into all the ways that applied to what's going on with me personally. I'll just say this: if you're a Christian, you made a promise to follow Christ. How would Christ handle what's going on in your life right now?

...do the right thing, even when it costs you.

Happy Wednesday, folks. Work week's almost over! :)

an update on the good life

Some new and exciting things have come my way since I last posted, and I am feeling especially fortunate today.

I'll catch you up to speed quickly:

• I got a new job as a staff reporter with a community newspaper
• I have decided to relocate temporarily for the job, and I got an exceptional deal on a brand new townhouse (rental)
• I joined NewSpring Church as an "official member" (more on that later)
• I am excited about two upcoming opportunities with my new "home church": I have signed up to serve as a volunteer with the church (more on that later) and I have also signed up to join a home group (more on that later as well)
• I recently had the pleasure of leading someone very close to me to Christ, something I've never done before (more on that another time)
• I have pen-pointed some areas of my life that I've been reluctant to give to God, and I made a promise last week to be in full submission. It has made a world of difference (as if I even have to say it..."more on that later")

So that's the long and short of what's new with me. I want to elaborate on all...or most...of the things I've mentioned, but now isn't really a good time. I'll blog more about it from home.

I will say this much right now--God has been showering me with blessings lately. I now truly understand what it's like to feel unworthy. The best part is that there's more to come. I feel like I'm only at the beginning of a long walk with God.

That's it for now. Check back tonight or tomorrow. I hope to share some insight soon based on what's been going on in my life for the last few weeks.

Happy Tuesday!

Becoming a big kid

I used to think of adults as the people who had it all together. It never occured to me that my teacher was only pretending to be impressed when I learned to multiply double-digits or write my name in cursive. It never occured to me that perhaps she even rolled her eyes when I walked away, annoyed that I always had to be a show-off. I thought all adults were honest and kind and caring. After all, they were always telling us to treat other the way we would want to be treated, and adults always practice what they preach.

....Riiiiiight.

I'm 24 now, and I'm realizing that adults don't always do what's right either. In fact, if there were a time-out corner for adults, I'd bet it fill up quicker and stay full longer than the kiddie corner. Sure, most of us don't go around flinging boogers at our enemies or throwing ourselves on the ground in a fit when we don't get our way, but that's just because we don't have the nerve. Kids are, for the most part, innocent and untarnished. They just don't know any better than to act on raw emotions. We are conditioned, as we get older, to uphold certain standards. In other words, you gotta act like you got some sense!

I'm thankful for that. Really, I am. I can't imagine what kind of world we'd be in if every adult acted like a child in every situation. We all know a few who do, and I think we can agree that the world doesn't need anymore. Adulthood requires the ability to hold it all together while your world is falling apart. Still, imagine a world filled with people who had the HEART of a child...

I work with kids every day. I must tell a dozen kids every hour to tell another kid they're sorry. The crimes range from stealing a sand bucket to calling another child a name. Where I work, the rule of thumb is that every apology is followed by a hug. The impact that an apology and a hug has on a child is incredible. I witness this over and over, day after day, and it still never ceases to amaze me. A child will instantly stop crying after his friend hugs him and apologizes for pushing him. Two girls frolic to the swingset holding hands after they share an apology for fighting over a doll. Once you seek an apology from a child, the war is over.

I watch these kids in awe on a daily basis. They drive me absolutely crazy, but there is nothing more rewarding than hearing a slurred "I love you" at the end of the day from a snotty-nosed three-year-old, despite the fact that you've put him in time-out 18 times since lunch. He doesn't even care. Chances are, he doesn't even remember. Kids remember what's important about us. They know who takes care of them, loves them, and makes peace in their classroom, and that's all they really care about at the end of the day.

We could all stand to learn a few things from the children. It's easy to let the responsibilities of adulthood replace the fundamentals from childhood. Just because we're older now doesn't mean it's any less important to "follow the rules." Forgive and forget. Apologize when you need to. Follow the Golden Rule. Do everything you did when you were a kid. Just do it a little smarter now that you're older!

greedy hearts

I am trying to understand that God has a plan for me that is so much bigger than me! I have a strong desire to communicate with the world, and I want Christ to work through me to change the lives of those around me. In a very abstract way, I have total faith in His mysterious plan. I pray constantly for His will to be done in my life; still, at the end of the day, I am burdened with the troubles of this place.

I was an English major in college. You wouldn't know it from reading my blogs, but I like to think I'm a pretty good writer when I'm trying to be. I've had a few things published, and I've written for a few newspapers and magazines. I had all of this professional experience in addition to a college education. I thought I'd be set after I graduated, but things haven't really turned out that way. I'm working two full-time jobs just to pay my bills on time. I've applied for every reporting job within a 200-mile radius from home, and I haven't been made a single offer.

It's frustrating. I'm annoyed. I know I am qualified for these jobs. I know they wouldn't regret hiring me if they'd give me a shot. There's no reason they wouldn't at least offer me an interview. At least no reason that I can understand.

I reach a certain level of frustration every night before I have to hand it all over to God. I am down about it for an hour or so every day, generally while I'm working these jobs that I hate. I always feel convicted about this time though...about the time I start thinking about how much I "hate" the jobs that other people are dying to have. There are people out there who are looking for just one job, and I'm complaining because I have two.

I have a plan for my life that's bigger than what I'm doing now though. What's fascinating, though, is that God has a plan that's even bigger than my plan. There's a reason why I'm not getting these jobs I keep applying for. God has a plan that's bigger than what I want to do. This isn't the first time I haven't gotten something that I wanted. That's the story of my life (and yours too, I bet). It's all worked out for the best so far though. I don't always understand it, but I know that I LOVE the life God has created for me so far, and I trust that there is a reason He is setting up my future the way He is right now.

I wish He would just tell me what He was doing with my life, but the added element of surprise does make things a little more exciting. Besides, it's not MY life anyway. That's my problem. I keep trying to figure out what the world can offer me. I should be asking myself what I have to offer the world. (Oh boy...that was cheesy, and a little too close to JFK's quote, but it's TRUE!)

I'll be praying tonight that God will allow my greedy heart to fully trust that His plan really is bigger than mine. That's my prayer for the rest of you too. It's too easy to get caught up in the world and forget that we aren't doing this alone. We don't have to handle our problems. We just have to give them to God.

It's so exciting to think that I could be WORRY FREE! :)

Easter in an Egg Shell

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and probably my most favorite Easter yet. When I was younger, I never really liked Easter. I don't know why. I just sort of thought it was boring, and the Easter bunny was cheap compared to Santa. The one thing I looked forward to every year was going to the passion play with my family the weekend before. The reason for celebrating Easter was the only thing I actually did enjoy celebrating.

This year was different than any other year though. I've been going to church more often than in years past, and I have really been longing for a closer relationship with Christ. This year, I heard two different Easter messages from two different pastors at different churches. In each one, when they spoke of Christ's death on the cross, I felt like He was speaking to my heart. For the first time in a long time, it didn't feel like just a story. I was beginning to comprehend His love for me, or at least as much as my wicked heart can understand that kind of pure love.

When I sang the worship songs at church, I meant what I was saying for the first time in a long time. When the pastor talked about how much God loves us, I believed it. When I went home and thought about how I am called to go beyond my comfort zone to serve Him, I was at peace with that. My heart was where it needed to be, and I received a message that I've needed for a long time.

Beyond that, I just had an amazing, relaxing day with my family. For those of you who don't know much about me, I work 7 days a week (literally). I wake up to an alarm clock every single day of the week for an 8 or 9 hour work day. I still had to work this Sunday, but I was able to work it out to where I got a night shift so that I could spend the afternoon with my family. We went to church and had lunch and went for a Sunday afternoon drive...it was just fun. It reminded me of the days that I miss so much now, the days when all I really had to do was sit at home with my family.

The night before, I was able to attend a Saturday church service with my brother and ride around checking out nice houses and indulge in a homestyle buffet. We went "home" (to my mom's house where I no longer live, but will always call home), and watched a scary movie and ate tons of goodies that my mom had stocked up on in preparation for our weekend there. That Saturday and Sunday combined were just the best two days I've had in a while. I've been really homesick since I've been working too much to spend much time with my family, and I was genuinely thrilled to go home for Easter.

Some people dread holidays. Their families drive them crazy, and they look forward to the days they get to spend away from them. I'm so lucky to have a family that I can lean on for support, and that is filled with people who are just as crazy as I am! They love me unconditionally, and that is just a portion of how much Christ loves us...wow!

Anyway, after work last night, I was reflecting on the weekend. My cup runneth over. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am. I am so thankful that I was reminded of Christ's love for us through excellent preaching, music, and time with my family. Oh, and a very impressive Easter basket! :) (You know you're lucky if the Easter bunny still leaves you candy at the age of 24! lol)

God bless you and may we never take for granted the many, many blessings that are bestowed upon us every day!

Eating My Words

I love nights like tonight. I made it to bed before midnight. The sun is still setting, and I'm laying here watching Dateline, and I'll probably begin to doze off as soon as I close the laptop. I couldn't do this every night because I'm a night owl, but I like doing it every now and then. It makes me feel like I'm taking charge of my sleep deprivation, and I also feel like I'm preparing to have an awesome day ahead. Here's to hoping anyway! :)

That's not really the point of this blog though. Since last night at midnight, I've been on a food fast. I haven't eaten anything. I've drank lots of water. Surprisingly, it hasn't been so bad. Maybe I can ignore what's on my heart, but I can't ignore God when a growling stomach and a severe hunger headache are reminding me that I have been called to witness to my lost friends and family members.

Uh...I'm not sure that made sense in writing. Anyway, I guess the reason I'm writing this is to ask you to join me in prayer. Even though I am hungry, please pray that God will use this experience to make me a more disciplined Christian and that He will give me the words and timing to speak to the lost people I'm fasting for this week. If you're reading this and have lost people in your own life, I pray that God will bless you with the same thing.

Anyway, I'm gonna stick to my word about getting to bed early. I'll talk more about the experience when it's over. Hopefully I'll get to sleep tonight before hunger sets in again!! :)

'Night guys!! :)

Day 2: Singing a Different Tune

What is it about facebook that is so addicting? It's like a cyber drug for our generation. In college, it was a major social climbing device. If you got tagged in lots of pictures or had more than a few wall posts in a day, you appeared a little more popular, even if only online. For me now, it's mostly a passifier of time. I get on several times a day just because I'm bored and I have easy access to it from my phone. I hardly ever get on from my home computer anymore, but it's conveniently right at my fingertips throughout the day when I need something to do.

The ironic thing is that I never feel like I have enough time. I work two jobs, and I do a lot of freelance writing too. I literally feel like I'm overbooked at every second of the day. On numerous occassions, I've fallen asleep before I thanked God for a day filled with little blessings. I've had lost people on my heart, and I haven't talked to them yet because I just "haven't gotten around to it." Still, somehow, I always manage to find time for facebook.

That's the awesome thing about doing the facebook fast. It has given me an opportunity to focus on other things that could be passifying my time. Facebook has become a habit, and when I completely removed the option of getting on every 5 minutes while I'm at work or sitting on the couch at home, I managed to let a lot of other thoughts sink it. I'm not saying I'll do this forever. Actually, I fully intend to log on at midnight if I'm still awake. I like social networking sites. I think it is an incredible way of having regular conversation with people we wouldn't normally stay in touch with. That in itself can be a blessing if we use it correctly.

Anyway, I had been praying that God would soften my heart so that I could have the compassion I needed to really dive into this and be a living example to those who needed one. He did that for me to today. He also opened my eyes to a lot of things that I knew in a technical sense, but had never really experienced for myself. In particular, I was reminded of how empty a life is without Him, regardless of our profession, relationship status, financial stability, etc. You can have the best of the best, but a life governed by people and wealth will always keep you chasing after more.

Day one of my fast is almost complete. I plan to transfer my focus to my "day two person" at midnight, and also my fast. That isn't to say I will not continue to pray for the others own my heart. I will just dedicate a day of sacrifice to this person. I have chosen not to add names for the sake of their privacy, but please join me in prayer anyway. I am sure there are people in your own life that you could be praying for as well.

Tomorrow, I will be "fasting" from secular music. I know there are a lot of different opinions about what music is or isn't acceptable to listen to. I enjoy a lot of Christian music, but I also enjoy a lot of non-worship music, and I think that's okay too (like I say about a lot of things, this is another issue for another blog!) This may be something easy for some people, but 24 hours without freedom to listen to any song on any station is complete torture for me! I live for good music!

I hope that by listening to nothing but Christian music tomorrow, I will be uplifted and encouraged. I also hope that it will help me remained focused on my goal, which is to bring people to God. Something about listening to music inspires me, and when I listen to good worship music, I just want to shout out for God!

Anyway, I'm tired, so I'm going to wrap it up for the night. For those of you who are keeping up with me faithfully during this "fasting week," thank you for being patient with me. I nearly always wait until I'm close to passing out from lack of sleep before I write. This can't make for artfully written things for any of you to read, but I am thankful for your encouraging and insightful comments, no less.

God bless, good night, and happy Tuesday! I pray that we'll all remember to live out tomorrow like it's on purpose, and remember that it is the day that The Lord has made!

The Facebook Fast

Before I begin, I feel that I should add this disclaimer: I did not write this to endorse NewSpring. In fact, I must admit that I happen to find some of Pastor Perry's frequently bold statements very off-putting; nonetheless, I've decided to start visiting the church (for numerous reasons which I'll be glad to discuss with you if you're curious), and I have been getting a lot out of the services. So if you're one of my many, many friends/acquaintances/family members who are still not really into NewSpring, please put aside your preconceived notions. After all, the church itself is not the intended focus of this blog. It just happens to be the place that God chose for me to be when He challenged me tonight.

Having said that...

Tonight I attended NewSpring Church for the fifth consecutive week (give or take). They are wrapping up a series called "Practical Atheists," which has had me particularly convicted on several counts. I especially appreciated tonight's message (minus the coarse language, but I'll discuss that another time as not to take away from the reason for posting this), in which Pastor Perry Noble encouraged the church to reach out to people who need Jesus. He reminded us that the people in our lives are not there by accident. If we know someone who doesn't know God, that's no accident either. Maybe God placed us in their lives, and them in ours, because we are the only person capable of touching them in a way that leads them to Christ.

There are two people whose names have been on my heart for a couple of months now. They don't know God, and I happen to know that neither of them are regularly surrounded by people that do. I might be their only chance at salvation. I know I have to talk to them, but I have been putting it off for fear of seeming judgemental or hypocritical. Maybe I'm also a little afraid that I won't have answers to all of their questions. I'm afraid I'll screw this up and that I'll ruin the one opportunity I had to bring either of them to Christ. It's a delicate situation, and I've been afraid to handle it.

Perry reminded us that it is not our fault if someone does not receive Christ. All we can do is work on the person's heart, but ultimately, it is their decision to seek a relationship with Christ. ("You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"). Furthermore, we aren't really called to do anything alone. My words alone may not be powerful enough, but with God, all things are possible. With God, who I should ask for the right words, the right timing, and the right amount of compassion, I might just be able to save a life. I just have to pray that His will be done, and understand that it has been, no matter the outcome.

At the end of the service, Perry had us write down names of people that God had placed on our hearts. I felt like this message was made for me. These two people immediately came to my mind again, and I wrote them down. As I was leaving, I was burdened by the names I did not write down. I decided I'd write them down when I got home, and that I'd pray for them all week as well. (The challenge was to pray for these people all week and to beg God to shed light on us so that we can be the witness He has called us to be to these non-believers).

I could not be more excited about this. I really felt like I needed to be challenged to do this. I've been putting it off for too long, and a weight is being lifted off of my shoulders now that I have decided to trust God to guide me in talking to others about Him.

But what does this have to do with a 24-hour facebook fast, you might wonder. Perry had asked the congregation to participate in a 24-hr fast from something that they love, and I was thinking about the animal sacrifices in the OT, and about how something pure had to be sacrificed to save someone who was impure. I cannot offer myself as a sacrifice for a couple of reasons: My heart is naturally wicked, for one, and because Jesus became the eternal sacrifice when He died on the cross for our sins. Still, I am fasting from facebook as a symbolic sacrifice of someone whose life I'd like to save.

I decided that I'd "fast" from something each day for the people that I'm praying for this week. Two people have been on my heart for a while, but three more people came to mind today. For each of these five people, I will dedicate one day this week. I will pray for this person, I will sacrifice something that I love to symbolize my dedication to this person's salvation.

For my "Day One Person," I am giving up facebook. I'll keep you guys posted throughout the week on what else I decide to give up. (I laugh at myself as I read this...I make it sound as if I have a million followers-ha!) If this is something that will encourage you as well, I'd like to invite you to join me. If it's not, I'd still ask that you join me in praying for the lost, and for the continued strength and faith for the found.

I'll end with the verse that spoke to me tonight:
"Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." Matthew 4:19

'Night guys! See you on facebook at approx. 12 am tomorrow!! :)

Happiness on a Budget

It's been a while, I know. If anyone's actually reading these things, you'll have to forgive me for neglecting my blog. I've just been busy. It isn't really by choice. I've been working non-stop to keep up with the never-ending stack of bills. They just keep coming, month after month. There's no end in sight.

I lived in an older, smaller house before the one I'm in now. I wasn't making quite as much money then though (not that I make a lot now), and I kept thinking "if I just made a decent salary, I'd be able to afford things that I want." I finally got a job making more money nearly a year ago. Soon after that, I decided it was time to move.

I don't regret moving out of that house. I loved it, and I have lots of fond memories of my time there, but the move was inevitable. It was old, and the house required more maintenance than I was able to keep up with. Nonetheless, I moved to a more expensive house. And why? Because I could afford it...at least in theory.

The problem with number-crunching though is that it never accounts for the money we blow every month. My numbers assume I'm paying my bills on time and that I'm making purchases primarily out of necessity. It doesn't account for emergencies either, or unexpected expenses. I finally got more money, and I assumed that meant I could afford more house. You'd think I'd have known better, seeing as how I was just getting comfortable in the old house with the new salary, but nope. I had more money, so I wanted more ways to spend it. And I got it.

So lately, I've been looking for a third roommate. (I have a roommate now, but we have a third bedroom that's basically being used for storage right now). It would cut some costs, and then I'd be able to buy a car. At least in theory, but again, that's assuming that I wouldn't blow the money I saved. Don't worry--I've also been looking for a better-paying job.

There's a pattern here, if you haven't noticed. The more I have, the more I want. I've realized that it may not be possible for me to ever be satisfied. I'm trying very hard now to change my mentality. I'm trying to embrace the present. It's not that I believe in settling. I believe there's actually something admirable about a need for constant improvement. Still, I think it's also important to appreciate where we are now and all that God has blessed each of us with rather than to act like it's never enough. That's an insult to our creator.

At NewSpring this Sunday, Pastor Perry Noble challenged his church with this question: if we aren't able to manage a little bit of money, why would God trust us with a lot?

...So true. I have a tendency to spend money. I also have a tendency to be broke. I have a tendency to want more money. I have a tendency to accidently spend money that belongs to God. I have a tendency to be irresponsible with my money, especially for someone who is on such a small budget.

I've got to learn to be careful with the money I have. I need to act like an adult. I need to act like an accountant for God. I always think I need more money to be happy, but what I actually need is to stop allowing money to govern my life. I need to budget and manage more wisely. I want to let God see what an excellent accountant I am, and then, he just might promote me to something that pays more.

Singles Awareness Day

Yesterday, lucky women all over the country were showered with beautiful bouquets, the finest chocolates, flashy jewelry, and sappy cards. A few of the really lucky ones even received diamonds, which we all know are a girl's best friend (especially when that diamond is larger than a karat and presented by a man on one knee).

It's no secret that Valentine's Day is woman's holiday. Women crave that kind of special treatment in a relationship, while men generally consider this holiday one big ridiculous marketing ploy. Truth be told, I can't really disagree with them, but I won't go there now. And anyway, it doesn't change the fact that every year on February 13, every girl who is single in America is biting her nails and secretly hoping that some prince charming reveals himself by having flowers sent to her at work.

Some women like being single. We find it liberating. It makes us feel independent. We hear our friends arguing with their boyfriends or husbands, and we thank God that we aren't subjected to that torture. We're proud to be single.

...but we still hate being alone on Valentine's Day.

Suddenly, you're living in a world where it's not normal to be single. You're in a world where people feel sorry for you. You get flowers from your parents with a note that says "you're still beautiful to me," as if you're some sort of ugly duckling charity case. They start giving your younger sibblings pep talks about how they're counting on them to carry on the family name, since clearly you are never going to start a family.

It's never a choice to be alone on Valentine's Day. At least not for women.

Men consider themselves lucky if they're alone on Valentine's Day, while it's really a life-changing tragedy for women. I have to hand it to the men on this one though. I mean, what is it really saying for our significant others if the only time they ever pronounce their love for us is when some bogus holiday suggests they have to? I like the idea of the celebration of love, I really do. I just think more people are forced to fake love on this day than to act on pure intentions.

Who could blame a guy for grabbing the first box of chocolates he finds? It may also be the last. Between the overpriced merchandise and mile-long check-out lines, it's no wonder men hate this day. He knows that the woman he loves is waiting at home with her arms out, waiting to be presented with lavish gifts. Who can perform under that kind of pressure?

It's too fake. It's too forced. If you love someone, you'll spoil them all the time. Your heart won't allow you to do anything else. Trust me--I know. When you love someone, you'll want to do so much for them that you have to remind yourself to make time for you. It's effortless to love someone. It isn't effortless to fake love though.

That's why I loathe hearing couples say "We never fight." If you never fight, somebody's being fake. I happen to think it's impossible to agree on everything, and quite frankly, I think it's unhealthy. God made no two people exactly the same, so if they're agreeing on everything, one of them is compromising their own beliefs.

These couples are easy to spot too. The guy usually does all of the talking, and the girl usually speaks to back him up. She'd never make any outrageous claims unless she knew it was one her boyfriend supported. It's frustrating to talk to these girls. You know there is no changing their minds, and there is no talking on topics that aren't boyfriend-approved.

We get so caught up in the idea of being in love that we become desperate to make it work at any cost. But is it worth our personality? Our values? Where does it end? Do we toss God out the window if they ask us to?

When we fake our way through relationships, we get further and further away from God's will for our lives. We begin to lose pieces of ourselves that makes us the unique servant God called us to be. Eventually, we begin to realize that in chasing love without trusting God, our life has lost all meaning.

For me, this is an area that's been difficult to trust God with. I know He is in control. I know He knows what I need, and I know that He has a plan for me. I know all of this from the bottom of my heart, and I believe it. Still, sometimes when I'm praying, I cringe when I give it ALL to God. Sometimes, I want to say "God, I know you've got a plan for me, but I really need some closure with..." or "I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone else with that same compassion..." and I have to remind myself to "be still and know that [He is] God" (Psalms 46:10).

There's no justifying it. God knows who you are. If you're trying to convince Him of something that He doesn't believe is good for your life, it's a losing battle. You may as well surrender now.

Spending one holiday alone isn't near as depressing as the thought of spending every day for the rest of eternity with someone who doesn't make parts of your heart and your mind come alive that you never knew existed. Remember the first time you had your heart broken? You never thought you'd recover, and you did. Our mind can't comprehend our heart's capacity to love. Only God can do that. You may as well leave that to the experts.

If you spent Valentines Day alone this year, consider yourself lucky. You still have so much to look forward to. You can still anticipate the day that you meet the man of your dreams, and the day that you realize how much better off you are for trusting God to lead you to the right person. You'll be so thankful you didn't trust yourself years ago when you thought you could never love anyone else like you love ____. So if you're single, rejoice in the love that God is going to pour into your life. Be happy that you were able to celebrate Singles Awareness Day.

Technically, you're not alone this year though. God is with you in spirit, and He loves us more than any human ever will.

Happy Valentines Day to those who are in love.
Happy Singles Awareness Day to those who aren't.
Whichever one you are, thank God for placing you exactly where you need to be!

Snowed In, Twenty-Ten

Snowed out, actually.

The flurries started here around lunch time yesterday, and by 5, the ground was covered in white. Fear-stricken citizens of Liberty and surrounding areas hurried to their local grocery stores for a few last-minute necessities. It becomes a dangerous world out there once word of a blizzard reaches the town's people. Your best friend will cut your throat for the last loaf of bread. It's survival of the fittest and only the strong survive.

Okay, maybe I've embellished a little. If we're lucky, we get one good snow day a year in the upstate. And our standards for a "good" snow day are relatively low, at that. If it comes in real snow form (not that trickery that is sleet) and sticks long enough for us to take a picture of our snowmen for facebook, we're happy...ecstatic, really. So maybe it isn't really "survival of the fittest," but our fear of being snowed in is very real. Oddly enough, so is our demand for bread and milk. So I guess it's more like "only the strong will get sandwiches and cereal tomorrow."

I can't explain why people do this. I have lived in the upstate my whole life, and I can honestly say that I do not remember a single time in my life that snow and ice ever kept anyone in town off of the roads for more than 2 days. I've decided that if I'm only going to be snowed in for a day or two, I want to have the good stuff. So while everyone else fights over the last gallon of 1 percent, I'll be over in the freezer aisle stocking up on cookie dough and Mr. P's pizzas. I'll get the last laugh when they're back to grab a bag of potato chips after the snow has turned to ice in the morning--which always happens, without fail.

I digress...

This morning, I had to brave the aftermath of the storm and venture onto the "black ice" that covered the roads. I knew the dangers, but I had an obligation to tend to at work. Several other cars were on the road, so I decided that they'd probably caused a lot of the ice to melt. I was just going to drive slow.

As I was coasting at a steady 15 mph down Clemson Boulevard (that's no joke--I'm a chicken!), I hit a thick patch of ice that bumped me into the left lane. Fortunately, there were no cars next to me, and I was able to safely regain control of my car. At that point, I realized that the highway wasn't a safe place to be, even if I was going slow. It was too late though. I was 10 miles from home and 10 miles from work. There didn't seem to be much point in turning back then.

It ended up taking me an hour and a half to make a 30 minute trip to work (I told you I was a chicken!), so I had a lot of time to do some thinking along the way. My hands were trembling, and my heart would start racing every time I went over a patch of ice that caused my car to slide slightly to one side or the other. I noticed ditches and fields and huge trees that I had never even noticed before. I've probably made that ride a thousand times, but I never felt threatened by it until today. Each time I made it over a bridge or past a shaded spot, I'd let out a sigh of relief.

God gives me another shot at life with each day He allows me to remain on this earth. I'm not going to say that I almost died today, but the fear of having my life threatened made me appreciate the simple things that I forget to appreciate on a regular basis. I don't thank God every single time I arrive safely to my destination, but I certainly did today. That's something I should do more. I should just be excited to be alive.

While I was driving, my thoughts got kind of deep. It occurred to me that this could be the last time I ever drive a car. God already has a plan for me. What if I had been in an accident? Maybe I'd even survive, but with some handicap. So many thoughts were running through my mind. I thought about all of the things I want to do with my life. I sort of mentally noted that if God let me make it to work and home safely today, He still had a purpose for me here. I made it home today, so I know I still have a purpose here.

It's such an exciting feeling, anticipating God's will for me! A few good things are creeping up on me already. I was reminded of some things I can do for myself too. It seemed to be God's way of saying "Help Me help you."

So...basically, I want to thank God for life, for another chance. Also, thank God for keeping my family safe today, since I love them more than my own life. Last, but not least, thank God for the joy that came with Snow Day 2010. Watching my dog frolic in the snow made me laugh harder than I have in a while, and seeing everything covered in white, if only for a day, was absolutely beautiful!

P.S. Trivial fact: Yesterday, it snowed in every single state in the U.S. for the first time in recorded history. (This fact is courtesy of my roomie, so don't hold me to it!)

Changed for Good

Finally got to see "Wicked" tonight. What an amazing illustration of how easily we are misunderstood. I'll spare the details for the sake of those who haven't had an opportunity to see the show yet (which I highly recommend, by the way). I'll just say that I was shocked at how perfectly it reiterated some of the very thoughts that have been weighing heavily on my heart lately, particularly in regards to the mistreatment of others.

A few weeks ago, one of my co-workers told me that she was going to need some time off on short notice. I was annoyed with her for not being more responsible and considerate, and I made a few jabs at her, both directly and indirectly. I wanted it to be very clear that I was not happy about having to pick up her slack. She didn't acknowledge the comments, although I feel sure that she picked up on them. Several days later, I found out from another co-worker that the reason she needed to be off was because her 19-year-old brother had been involved in an unfortunate accident in which he lost his life, and she was partly responsible for making arrangements.

I don't know why she hadn't explained that to me in the first place, but it quickly changed things, needless to say. I have an 18-year-old brother of my own. He is one of my closest friends, and I cannot imagine life without him (or my sister, for that matter). It broke my heart to think of the pain she must be feeling. I called her into the office where I was working and personally apologized. She thankfully accepted and I could see tears welling up as she told me how much she missed him. My heart ached for her as I tried to imagine going on with my life after losing a close family member. A genuine, hopeful smile spread across her face as she said "I know it'll all be okay though on that day when we see eachother again."

It made my problems seem so small. Had I known what was going on in her life from the beginning, I would have been able to handle the situation with the type of care and attention that it required. Suddenly, I felt like the inconsiderate one.

It got me thinking...how many other times had I been rude to people who didn't need or deserve it? After all, I've copped an attitude with a lot of people. A lot. Working at a grocery store, I was always angry with the people who were receiving food benefits (that's an issue to be addressed a different day). Working with children, I'm always angry with irresponsible parents. Writing for a magazine, I'm always frustrated with editors with impossible deadlines. What if one of those people has been going through some life crisis? What kind of image of Christ am I creating for these people? I am labeling myself as a Christian, and I am kicking them when they're down. This is not how Christ told us to treat our neighbors.

We all have bad days once in a while. Fortunately, all of the bad things that have happened to me have been relatively minor. I'm lucky. Still, when I'm stressed about getting my bills paid or I'm frustrated because I've gained weight or I'm tired because I was up all night with a virus, the last thing I want is someone calling me a screw-up. That's when I want to be "babied" the most. That's when I need someone to offer me a hand, to show me Christ-like love.

I'm beginning to have trouble keeping my eyes open, so I'll stop here for tonight. I had other points, but I'll save them for later. My goal for tomorrow: put others before myself.

Used

Christ placed his hand upon my cheek and smiled before He sent me down into the world. "She's going to be a a good one," he said of me with confidence. "This girl's a fighter. She's going to get things done." He armored me with a strong, willing heart and sent me to bare witness to His truth.

I'm not sure if that's what really happened, but I like to imagine that it went something like that. I like to think of myself as a star player that God was saving for the right moment. I like to think that on March 23, 1986, God called one of His star players onto the field. I like to think that on the day that I was born, I was exactly what the world needed.

But what did I have to offer the world? Why did God choose me that day?

24 years later, I am still trying to figure it out. So far, these are the only clues I have about who God wants me to become:

1. He gave me a burning passion for writing and expression.
2. I like to be in charge.
3. I like to entertain.
4. I seem to have a niche for making people laugh.
5. I'm a dreamer.
6. I can make a pretty good case for anything when I feel like debating.
7. I like to be challenged in abstract ways (for example, being challenged to inspire)
8. I am a hopeless romantic who still believes that true love does exist and can last forever.
9. I have an opinion. On everything.


...all of the above is kind of why I am blogging now. I'm pretty sure God wants me to say something, most likely in writing. Why else would He bless me with a love for writing, expression, entertaining, and debating? There are so many things that I want to say, but I am still not sure what it is that He needs the world to hear through me. I'm just putting everything out there in hopes that somebody will filter out the useless stuff in my blogs and get the meaning from the rest. I'm assuming that I'll only have a handful of followers on this blog (consisting primarily of my parents, siblings, and a few dedicated friends), and that's fine with me. If what God's trying to say through me ends up on this blog, I know He'll lead the right reader to its content.

I never want the writing on this page to become self-serving. In fact, I should go ahead and add this disclaimer: none of what I say belongs to me. It all belongs to God. Every genuine thought, idea, or emotion I express was given to me by Him only so that I might share it with others. I'm only a vehicle for His word.

Don't be misled by the blogsite title ("Pieces of Me"). This isn't about me. It's about the pieces of me that God chose. It's about finding out how I can serve God by serving others. Because my heart is naturally full of wickedness, I know there will be times when I allow myself to say too much and God to say too little. Do me a favor--humble me on the days that I weigh too heavily on my own opinion indendently from God's. Remind me that it's not about me.

My prayer as I begin this blog is that I will be used. Whatever it is that He wants me to say, I pray that God will let it flow from my heart. Whoever God sent me here to reach, I pray that I will reach them. I pray that more people will challenge themselves to discover His will for their lives.

May you be used every day of your life :P