Quantity time vs. quality time

Last week, I heard a Christian leader talk about the sudden death of his mother, which occurred less than a month ago and is still fresh on his heart. Losing his mother had been one of his biggest fears, he said, and it happened unexpectedly while he was out of the country, away from his family and totally alone in a gloomy hotel room. He said he sat alone and wept for hours until he found comfort in the reality that his mother, who had a relationship with Christ, was in heaven and was happier than ever. He still misses his mother, he said, but he has found refuge in the fact that his tears are out of his own suffering rather than his mother's.

As he told this story, my heart was softened to the point of understanding his pain. I've been fortunate enough not to have had to endure the loss of a parent or sibling yet, but it is something that I think about often. In fact, it has been my biggest fear all my life, like it was his, and something that has haunted me every time I miss a phone call or a face-to-face visit or e-mail or whatever. I am terrified that every time I talk to people that I love could be the last, but my reasons are different than what his seem to be.

Sure, I'm afraid I'd miss them. But it isn't just that. I'm afraid I'll have lost the opportunity to talk to people I love about Christ and make sure their hearts are where they need to be. Almost everyone I know at least claims to be a Christian, but how many of them are actually following Christ?

I ask the above question rhetorically and with no number in mind. I don't actually know. I'm pretty confident that most of my closest loved ones know Christ, but I've never actually brought it up, and I've always wanted to. I don't want to be 25 or 50 or even 90 percent sure that the people in my life have a personal relationship with Christ. I want to be 100 percent sure, and the only way to find out is to inquire.

But talking to people about their relationship with Christ sometimes feels a lot like interrogating them, so the whole idea of a conversation of that nature just completely intimidates me. I'm certainly not perfect and in no place to judge another's lifestyle, so how do I ask people if they KNOW that they know they're saved?

For about a year, God's been pressing Matthew 4:19 on my heart relentlessly. ("Follow me and I will make you fisher's of men.") The more I grow in my walk with Christ, the more I understand that I can't lean on my own understanding. As I depend on God more and myself less, He has begun to reveal the answers to me and remove my fears by reminding me that I'm not called to do it alone.

I've said all that to say this: Every year at Christmas, I pray that God would give me at least one more Christmas with my family. I've been praying that prayer for years, and it dawned on me as I heard this man preach about his mother's death, that no matter how many times I ask for it, there will never be enough years in all the world to satisfy me. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. So this year, I'm praying for better spent time, better quality time, with the people than I love rather than more time wasted.

God put it on my heart to use my time wisely (better quality) and to take advantage of holiday get-togethers this year to talk to my friends and family, to say--completely out of love--"Hey, where are you in your walk with Christ? How can I serve you? How can I pray for you?"

We don't have all the time in the world here to spend with those we care about, but if we rely on and follow Christ, we can have eternity later.

On that note, I've learned a few vital points this year that are worth sharing:

1. Found people find people

2. Saved people serve people

3. Growing people change

4. I can't do life alone

Anyway, it's Christmas week. The week Christ was born. What a beautiful reason to celebrate. Remind someone--or remind yourself--about the most amazing, powerful, expensive gift you have EVER received for Christmas, God's son, and celebrate like you believe it's true.

How can I serve you? How can I pray for you? How can I encourage you in your walk with Christ?

Wish you all safe travels and fond memories this holiday season, and remember that Jesus is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas! :)

Remembering Christmas...

"Oh Holy Night" used to be my favorite Christmas song ever. When I was little--like still sending letters to the North Pole little--I would stop everything to hear this song during the Christmas season. I heard it tonight for the first time of this holiday season, and for a second, I remembered what it felt like to count down the days 'til Christmas and wonder if Santa would leave me a little something extra this year for being "extra nice." (And also hoping he'd forgive me for the several hundred fights I'd been in with my sister and for the times I told my little brother he was adopted).

The gifting was very exciting for me as a child, no doubt, but it really was more than that. The Christmas season was full of magic. There were a lot of times when it didn't feel like anything really "special" was going on in my life or in the lives of those around me, but during the Christmas season, everything was amazing and I was reminded of the special reason we have this holiday to begin with, and that He was around during all the not-so-special times too.

Businesses and individuals displayed beautiful Christmas trees, lights and Santa and sleigh scenes in the yard (I was a kid--don't judge me for enjoying that!), delicious once-a-year party foods were accessible (like fruit cake, which I realize I'm probably one of about 10 people in the entire world who actually love it!), people are nicer and despite all the hardship the rest of the year may have brought, all seems to be right at the end of the year when Christmas comes.

I was raised in a Christian home, so I always knew we celebrated Christmas as the birth of Christ and I think maybe that's why I liked the song "Oh Holy Night" so much. One of my favorite Christmas memories ever was when I was in elementary school and my older sister was going to be in a pageant. It was around Christmas, so after we went to the mall to look for her outfit, our mom and step dad took us to get happy meals from McDonald's and then took us to see Christmas lights. I don't remember why--maybe we were just at a traffic stand still--but we drove up to this nativity scene and sat there for a while and "Oh Holy Night" was playing and I had this happy meal and my heart had never been so full of joy in my life because it seemed like everything in the world was perfect at that moment, and after that, every time I heard the song, I could just picture Jesus in the manger, like in the nativity scene, and I imagined what a beautiful moment that must have been.

And even now, I think there's something very symbolic about the "Christmas magic" that spreads to everyone this time of year, but I also think there's something very intentional and beautiful about it. A savior was delivered to us when Christ was born. All was made right.

This year has been the hardest for me to get in the Christmas spirit. Every year, it seems to get more and more difficult, and as I thought about how much I missed feeling the "Christmas magic," I realized it's because as we get older and take on more responsiblities, we sometimes lose sight of why we do things in the first place. Now that I am an adult and I am responsible for buying presents as well as receiving them, my holiday has been filled with shopping and number crunching and party-planning and finger-crossing for a Christmas bonus. Not once have I looked at lights or sat and listened to Christmas carols or celebrated the true simplicity and beauty of what the holiday really means.

Tonight, I am reminded that Jesus truly is the reason for the season and my heart is beyond full of thankfulness for his birth and for his hand in my life. In the spirit of simple thanksgiving, I'm reminding myself of some of my favorite childhood traditions at Christmastime: drinking apple cider, looking at Christmas lights, eating fruitcake, watching the classics (Rudolph, Grinch, Frosty), singing carols, hearing the story of Jesus' birth and enjoying quality time with family that we can't seem to make time for in other seasons of the year.

Over the next couple of weeks, I hope I'll have a chance to cross a few of those things off my list this year and continue to seek the warmth and magic this season brought in years past. What is it that reminds you that this is Jesus' birthday party, not ours?

Merry Christmas season!