greedy hearts

I am trying to understand that God has a plan for me that is so much bigger than me! I have a strong desire to communicate with the world, and I want Christ to work through me to change the lives of those around me. In a very abstract way, I have total faith in His mysterious plan. I pray constantly for His will to be done in my life; still, at the end of the day, I am burdened with the troubles of this place.

I was an English major in college. You wouldn't know it from reading my blogs, but I like to think I'm a pretty good writer when I'm trying to be. I've had a few things published, and I've written for a few newspapers and magazines. I had all of this professional experience in addition to a college education. I thought I'd be set after I graduated, but things haven't really turned out that way. I'm working two full-time jobs just to pay my bills on time. I've applied for every reporting job within a 200-mile radius from home, and I haven't been made a single offer.

It's frustrating. I'm annoyed. I know I am qualified for these jobs. I know they wouldn't regret hiring me if they'd give me a shot. There's no reason they wouldn't at least offer me an interview. At least no reason that I can understand.

I reach a certain level of frustration every night before I have to hand it all over to God. I am down about it for an hour or so every day, generally while I'm working these jobs that I hate. I always feel convicted about this time though...about the time I start thinking about how much I "hate" the jobs that other people are dying to have. There are people out there who are looking for just one job, and I'm complaining because I have two.

I have a plan for my life that's bigger than what I'm doing now though. What's fascinating, though, is that God has a plan that's even bigger than my plan. There's a reason why I'm not getting these jobs I keep applying for. God has a plan that's bigger than what I want to do. This isn't the first time I haven't gotten something that I wanted. That's the story of my life (and yours too, I bet). It's all worked out for the best so far though. I don't always understand it, but I know that I LOVE the life God has created for me so far, and I trust that there is a reason He is setting up my future the way He is right now.

I wish He would just tell me what He was doing with my life, but the added element of surprise does make things a little more exciting. Besides, it's not MY life anyway. That's my problem. I keep trying to figure out what the world can offer me. I should be asking myself what I have to offer the world. (Oh boy...that was cheesy, and a little too close to JFK's quote, but it's TRUE!)

I'll be praying tonight that God will allow my greedy heart to fully trust that His plan really is bigger than mine. That's my prayer for the rest of you too. It's too easy to get caught up in the world and forget that we aren't doing this alone. We don't have to handle our problems. We just have to give them to God.

It's so exciting to think that I could be WORRY FREE! :)