Right isn't always cheap

The last few days have been torture for me.

It's not that serious, really. I'm just moving. And I've moved so many times that my family and I could easily operate a professional moving business, so it's not like I'm new at this. It's just hard living out of two places when neither one of them feels quite like home.

Anyway, I'm moving.

I have been so frustrated with all that goes into moving--the finances, the physical labor, the chaos that becomes your life when you box up everything you own...

The other day, I actually thought to myself "it would be so much easier if I hadn't even taken this job."

Those of you who know me know how big of a deal that is. I hated my last job's guts. I hated it so much that I would sit at work and apply for jobs all day long. I was openly unhappy with what I did, and while I was ready to take just about anything that would get me out of that place, all I really wanted to do was become a staff writer.

My wish came true, and before I knew it, I was wishing it away.

I love my job as a reporter, I really do. I even like the town that I'm living in. But still, it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to have highs and lows. In fact, the more you have to lose in life, the more stress, anxiety, and frustration you feel, or at least that's been my experiences.

It has really brought me back to the realization that God knows me better than I know me.

Sunday night at church, I was honestly on top of the world. I witnessed over 100 people get saved. I heard God's promises get preached and USED. I was challenged spiritually, and I was pumped about getting closer to Christ.

It's amazing what 3 days can do to your spirit though.

It's only Wednesday, and this morning, I felt weighed down by the struggles of this life.

I got on facebook a while ago, and a friend had posted Psalm 15:4 : "Those who despise flagrant sinners, and honor the faithful followers of the LORD, and keep their promises even when it hurts."

In other words, do the right thing, even when it isn't in your benefit.

I won't go into all the ways that applied to what's going on with me personally. I'll just say this: if you're a Christian, you made a promise to follow Christ. How would Christ handle what's going on in your life right now?

...do the right thing, even when it costs you.

Happy Wednesday, folks. Work week's almost over! :)

an update on the good life

Some new and exciting things have come my way since I last posted, and I am feeling especially fortunate today.

I'll catch you up to speed quickly:

• I got a new job as a staff reporter with a community newspaper
• I have decided to relocate temporarily for the job, and I got an exceptional deal on a brand new townhouse (rental)
• I joined NewSpring Church as an "official member" (more on that later)
• I am excited about two upcoming opportunities with my new "home church": I have signed up to serve as a volunteer with the church (more on that later) and I have also signed up to join a home group (more on that later as well)
• I recently had the pleasure of leading someone very close to me to Christ, something I've never done before (more on that another time)
• I have pen-pointed some areas of my life that I've been reluctant to give to God, and I made a promise last week to be in full submission. It has made a world of difference (as if I even have to say it..."more on that later")

So that's the long and short of what's new with me. I want to elaborate on all...or most...of the things I've mentioned, but now isn't really a good time. I'll blog more about it from home.

I will say this much right now--God has been showering me with blessings lately. I now truly understand what it's like to feel unworthy. The best part is that there's more to come. I feel like I'm only at the beginning of a long walk with God.

That's it for now. Check back tonight or tomorrow. I hope to share some insight soon based on what's been going on in my life for the last few weeks.

Happy Tuesday!

Becoming a big kid

I used to think of adults as the people who had it all together. It never occured to me that my teacher was only pretending to be impressed when I learned to multiply double-digits or write my name in cursive. It never occured to me that perhaps she even rolled her eyes when I walked away, annoyed that I always had to be a show-off. I thought all adults were honest and kind and caring. After all, they were always telling us to treat other the way we would want to be treated, and adults always practice what they preach.

....Riiiiiight.

I'm 24 now, and I'm realizing that adults don't always do what's right either. In fact, if there were a time-out corner for adults, I'd bet it fill up quicker and stay full longer than the kiddie corner. Sure, most of us don't go around flinging boogers at our enemies or throwing ourselves on the ground in a fit when we don't get our way, but that's just because we don't have the nerve. Kids are, for the most part, innocent and untarnished. They just don't know any better than to act on raw emotions. We are conditioned, as we get older, to uphold certain standards. In other words, you gotta act like you got some sense!

I'm thankful for that. Really, I am. I can't imagine what kind of world we'd be in if every adult acted like a child in every situation. We all know a few who do, and I think we can agree that the world doesn't need anymore. Adulthood requires the ability to hold it all together while your world is falling apart. Still, imagine a world filled with people who had the HEART of a child...

I work with kids every day. I must tell a dozen kids every hour to tell another kid they're sorry. The crimes range from stealing a sand bucket to calling another child a name. Where I work, the rule of thumb is that every apology is followed by a hug. The impact that an apology and a hug has on a child is incredible. I witness this over and over, day after day, and it still never ceases to amaze me. A child will instantly stop crying after his friend hugs him and apologizes for pushing him. Two girls frolic to the swingset holding hands after they share an apology for fighting over a doll. Once you seek an apology from a child, the war is over.

I watch these kids in awe on a daily basis. They drive me absolutely crazy, but there is nothing more rewarding than hearing a slurred "I love you" at the end of the day from a snotty-nosed three-year-old, despite the fact that you've put him in time-out 18 times since lunch. He doesn't even care. Chances are, he doesn't even remember. Kids remember what's important about us. They know who takes care of them, loves them, and makes peace in their classroom, and that's all they really care about at the end of the day.

We could all stand to learn a few things from the children. It's easy to let the responsibilities of adulthood replace the fundamentals from childhood. Just because we're older now doesn't mean it's any less important to "follow the rules." Forgive and forget. Apologize when you need to. Follow the Golden Rule. Do everything you did when you were a kid. Just do it a little smarter now that you're older!

greedy hearts

I am trying to understand that God has a plan for me that is so much bigger than me! I have a strong desire to communicate with the world, and I want Christ to work through me to change the lives of those around me. In a very abstract way, I have total faith in His mysterious plan. I pray constantly for His will to be done in my life; still, at the end of the day, I am burdened with the troubles of this place.

I was an English major in college. You wouldn't know it from reading my blogs, but I like to think I'm a pretty good writer when I'm trying to be. I've had a few things published, and I've written for a few newspapers and magazines. I had all of this professional experience in addition to a college education. I thought I'd be set after I graduated, but things haven't really turned out that way. I'm working two full-time jobs just to pay my bills on time. I've applied for every reporting job within a 200-mile radius from home, and I haven't been made a single offer.

It's frustrating. I'm annoyed. I know I am qualified for these jobs. I know they wouldn't regret hiring me if they'd give me a shot. There's no reason they wouldn't at least offer me an interview. At least no reason that I can understand.

I reach a certain level of frustration every night before I have to hand it all over to God. I am down about it for an hour or so every day, generally while I'm working these jobs that I hate. I always feel convicted about this time though...about the time I start thinking about how much I "hate" the jobs that other people are dying to have. There are people out there who are looking for just one job, and I'm complaining because I have two.

I have a plan for my life that's bigger than what I'm doing now though. What's fascinating, though, is that God has a plan that's even bigger than my plan. There's a reason why I'm not getting these jobs I keep applying for. God has a plan that's bigger than what I want to do. This isn't the first time I haven't gotten something that I wanted. That's the story of my life (and yours too, I bet). It's all worked out for the best so far though. I don't always understand it, but I know that I LOVE the life God has created for me so far, and I trust that there is a reason He is setting up my future the way He is right now.

I wish He would just tell me what He was doing with my life, but the added element of surprise does make things a little more exciting. Besides, it's not MY life anyway. That's my problem. I keep trying to figure out what the world can offer me. I should be asking myself what I have to offer the world. (Oh boy...that was cheesy, and a little too close to JFK's quote, but it's TRUE!)

I'll be praying tonight that God will allow my greedy heart to fully trust that His plan really is bigger than mine. That's my prayer for the rest of you too. It's too easy to get caught up in the world and forget that we aren't doing this alone. We don't have to handle our problems. We just have to give them to God.

It's so exciting to think that I could be WORRY FREE! :)

Easter in an Egg Shell

Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and probably my most favorite Easter yet. When I was younger, I never really liked Easter. I don't know why. I just sort of thought it was boring, and the Easter bunny was cheap compared to Santa. The one thing I looked forward to every year was going to the passion play with my family the weekend before. The reason for celebrating Easter was the only thing I actually did enjoy celebrating.

This year was different than any other year though. I've been going to church more often than in years past, and I have really been longing for a closer relationship with Christ. This year, I heard two different Easter messages from two different pastors at different churches. In each one, when they spoke of Christ's death on the cross, I felt like He was speaking to my heart. For the first time in a long time, it didn't feel like just a story. I was beginning to comprehend His love for me, or at least as much as my wicked heart can understand that kind of pure love.

When I sang the worship songs at church, I meant what I was saying for the first time in a long time. When the pastor talked about how much God loves us, I believed it. When I went home and thought about how I am called to go beyond my comfort zone to serve Him, I was at peace with that. My heart was where it needed to be, and I received a message that I've needed for a long time.

Beyond that, I just had an amazing, relaxing day with my family. For those of you who don't know much about me, I work 7 days a week (literally). I wake up to an alarm clock every single day of the week for an 8 or 9 hour work day. I still had to work this Sunday, but I was able to work it out to where I got a night shift so that I could spend the afternoon with my family. We went to church and had lunch and went for a Sunday afternoon drive...it was just fun. It reminded me of the days that I miss so much now, the days when all I really had to do was sit at home with my family.

The night before, I was able to attend a Saturday church service with my brother and ride around checking out nice houses and indulge in a homestyle buffet. We went "home" (to my mom's house where I no longer live, but will always call home), and watched a scary movie and ate tons of goodies that my mom had stocked up on in preparation for our weekend there. That Saturday and Sunday combined were just the best two days I've had in a while. I've been really homesick since I've been working too much to spend much time with my family, and I was genuinely thrilled to go home for Easter.

Some people dread holidays. Their families drive them crazy, and they look forward to the days they get to spend away from them. I'm so lucky to have a family that I can lean on for support, and that is filled with people who are just as crazy as I am! They love me unconditionally, and that is just a portion of how much Christ loves us...wow!

Anyway, after work last night, I was reflecting on the weekend. My cup runneth over. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am. I am so thankful that I was reminded of Christ's love for us through excellent preaching, music, and time with my family. Oh, and a very impressive Easter basket! :) (You know you're lucky if the Easter bunny still leaves you candy at the age of 24! lol)

God bless you and may we never take for granted the many, many blessings that are bestowed upon us every day!

Eating My Words

I love nights like tonight. I made it to bed before midnight. The sun is still setting, and I'm laying here watching Dateline, and I'll probably begin to doze off as soon as I close the laptop. I couldn't do this every night because I'm a night owl, but I like doing it every now and then. It makes me feel like I'm taking charge of my sleep deprivation, and I also feel like I'm preparing to have an awesome day ahead. Here's to hoping anyway! :)

That's not really the point of this blog though. Since last night at midnight, I've been on a food fast. I haven't eaten anything. I've drank lots of water. Surprisingly, it hasn't been so bad. Maybe I can ignore what's on my heart, but I can't ignore God when a growling stomach and a severe hunger headache are reminding me that I have been called to witness to my lost friends and family members.

Uh...I'm not sure that made sense in writing. Anyway, I guess the reason I'm writing this is to ask you to join me in prayer. Even though I am hungry, please pray that God will use this experience to make me a more disciplined Christian and that He will give me the words and timing to speak to the lost people I'm fasting for this week. If you're reading this and have lost people in your own life, I pray that God will bless you with the same thing.

Anyway, I'm gonna stick to my word about getting to bed early. I'll talk more about the experience when it's over. Hopefully I'll get to sleep tonight before hunger sets in again!! :)

'Night guys!! :)

Day 2: Singing a Different Tune

What is it about facebook that is so addicting? It's like a cyber drug for our generation. In college, it was a major social climbing device. If you got tagged in lots of pictures or had more than a few wall posts in a day, you appeared a little more popular, even if only online. For me now, it's mostly a passifier of time. I get on several times a day just because I'm bored and I have easy access to it from my phone. I hardly ever get on from my home computer anymore, but it's conveniently right at my fingertips throughout the day when I need something to do.

The ironic thing is that I never feel like I have enough time. I work two jobs, and I do a lot of freelance writing too. I literally feel like I'm overbooked at every second of the day. On numerous occassions, I've fallen asleep before I thanked God for a day filled with little blessings. I've had lost people on my heart, and I haven't talked to them yet because I just "haven't gotten around to it." Still, somehow, I always manage to find time for facebook.

That's the awesome thing about doing the facebook fast. It has given me an opportunity to focus on other things that could be passifying my time. Facebook has become a habit, and when I completely removed the option of getting on every 5 minutes while I'm at work or sitting on the couch at home, I managed to let a lot of other thoughts sink it. I'm not saying I'll do this forever. Actually, I fully intend to log on at midnight if I'm still awake. I like social networking sites. I think it is an incredible way of having regular conversation with people we wouldn't normally stay in touch with. That in itself can be a blessing if we use it correctly.

Anyway, I had been praying that God would soften my heart so that I could have the compassion I needed to really dive into this and be a living example to those who needed one. He did that for me to today. He also opened my eyes to a lot of things that I knew in a technical sense, but had never really experienced for myself. In particular, I was reminded of how empty a life is without Him, regardless of our profession, relationship status, financial stability, etc. You can have the best of the best, but a life governed by people and wealth will always keep you chasing after more.

Day one of my fast is almost complete. I plan to transfer my focus to my "day two person" at midnight, and also my fast. That isn't to say I will not continue to pray for the others own my heart. I will just dedicate a day of sacrifice to this person. I have chosen not to add names for the sake of their privacy, but please join me in prayer anyway. I am sure there are people in your own life that you could be praying for as well.

Tomorrow, I will be "fasting" from secular music. I know there are a lot of different opinions about what music is or isn't acceptable to listen to. I enjoy a lot of Christian music, but I also enjoy a lot of non-worship music, and I think that's okay too (like I say about a lot of things, this is another issue for another blog!) This may be something easy for some people, but 24 hours without freedom to listen to any song on any station is complete torture for me! I live for good music!

I hope that by listening to nothing but Christian music tomorrow, I will be uplifted and encouraged. I also hope that it will help me remained focused on my goal, which is to bring people to God. Something about listening to music inspires me, and when I listen to good worship music, I just want to shout out for God!

Anyway, I'm tired, so I'm going to wrap it up for the night. For those of you who are keeping up with me faithfully during this "fasting week," thank you for being patient with me. I nearly always wait until I'm close to passing out from lack of sleep before I write. This can't make for artfully written things for any of you to read, but I am thankful for your encouraging and insightful comments, no less.

God bless, good night, and happy Tuesday! I pray that we'll all remember to live out tomorrow like it's on purpose, and remember that it is the day that The Lord has made!